stress

I probably shouldn't be writting because I'm loaded with more homework than I have time, but that's most likely why I am writting because I'm stressed and this diary helpsme get out some stress.
I had ISS today for the firt itme this year because this skanky (no joke) fat ass bitch who calls her self my friend told on me. But that's a wholllllle other story and nows not the time to be upset.
Lets be honest, I'm really writting because Jason (jew boy)'s on my mind. I didn't tell anyone we hung last night because I don't like my friends takling, but I must have a crush on him. All day I was secretly hoping he would call, and guess what he did. He called my home and cell and left a realy cute message saying it would suck if we didn't hang out this friday (tmrw) because I'm going to be out of town this weekend. That's so sweet! So on one side my mind's thinking "dammit isn't this boy kind of rushing shit, always wanting to hang out and talk. I mean I hung out with him yesterday and he wants to already hang out tmrw" but then I remmember how alllllll day I was crossing my fingers for him to call me, and for him to suggest us hanging out on friday. So if he's rushing things so am I because I feel the exact same way he does. I think the only reason I'm wanting to slow shit down is because I don't know what I would tell my friends, because I know us hanging out will prob. require me to invite a friend to join, and more friends that know - more talk. and I dont want talk. I dont know I dont know. But I am kind of happy that things are definetly going my way.

By the way, I ate two Krispy Kreams today. yum.

Jewish Boy

So there's a Jewish boy in my life. I feel kind of slutty, I'll explain later. I met this guy at the club and I had to take down his number because he went to my old highschool (Sibley), he's Jewish, we know all the same people... and here's the biggest one: he goes to my frickin synagouge! and all this time I did not even know him. So, we hung out a couple times, saturday me and four friends met up with him and three friends, we played pool (Jews vs. non Jews, and for sure the Jews won). Then me him, my friend and his friend went bowling (Jews vs. non Jews: conclusion - jews are not good bowlers). Here's freaky shit, I was thiking about him the next day, and exactly that moment swear to god he calls me. At that time I was getting ready to go to Stargate later on that night, I ask him what he's doing, and him and his friend were on their way to stargate - freaky shit. Monday, he takes me to Michelle Branch concert, pays, open doors complete gentlemen, and we just chatted the whole time. Wed. (today) we go to see Bruce Almighty (I do not recomend that movie). He came over after made buddies with my brother (which is naarly impossible), and I felt like kissing him, but of course I didn't.
I'm not telling my friens that I hung out with them tonight because they already started teasing me for being with him so much, and I know how girls are, they'll say "he's not that cute, that just shows how desperate sharon is!" But i'm not, because... I'm just not. For once, honestly once in my life I think i'm crushing on a guy for his personality, not for his fuck. and I don't want anyone to mistake that for desperation.
and here's the deal, I'm thinking why am I always with a guy? I just broke up with Randy three months ago, just quit fucking Geoffery and now Jason (Jew). Does that make me slutty? And let me tell you, he's not the type of guy I would normaly find cute, I mean he's white and he has acney (my two no no's). But he's cool as hell. So whatever happends, happends. But if anything happens this time, I'll do it right and take it slow. But why, why is there always a guy in my life?? I've been single (still am) for only three months, and I was just feeling like I can handle not getting laid like ever, and I could handle no guys.. But where ever I am, I swear there's a guy. Does that make me slutty?

Today... It was an alright day. I'm i a class Childrens theater and today we got to skip half a day of school to put on a play for two elementery schools, I think I did good. But! I just realized I have not had a good day for......oh gosh, I can not remember how long! I have like a big back of stress strapped onto my back preventing me from being myself, and having good days dammit!

I've been clean for two weeks, and it actualy feels good, it feels like I actualy have a personality (not the most exciting one, but I have one), and it just feels kind of good. But for some reason I said "fuck it" for this weekend, theres no way I'm not partying. I think I'm buying shit tmrw. God, I always said that when I buy my own shit then I'll have crossed the line (if anyone doesn't know I am talking about weed right now). And tmrw will be my third time buying shit. I found weed recipies online (for cooking like pastas, brownies!!!) and my friends and I are going to make magic brownies tommorrow! I donno, the idea... it was mine... I guess I'll just tell you the story. So me and my friend Masha like sang Rodulf the Red Nosed Rain Deer at lunch today we were awesome, just being silly teens having fun, u know. And then it hit us, our lunch table is full of losers! (and most of them never party or even never have so keep that in mind). So me, [latley all I have in my mind are cruel intension], I decided that we'll have a pot luck for our lunch table and Masha and I will make brownies! (MAGIC BROWNIES). We know the potluck idea will work b/c we've done it twice before. I donno, I think it would be fucking awesome but I'm worried some freak will tell on us you know? I honestly don't give a damn about getting all those chicks high, I dont give a damn for those chicks, but the only part that makes me think twice is that we may get in trouble -- serious trouble. Mash says if they don't eat'em, we will <-- good point.

Yesterday Mash and I ran three miles!! (A little exagerated but pretty close). She completly motivated me and today I'm dead soar and I'm loving it.

I wish I had a man and no emotional problems.
Should I pierce my belly button?
Yes yes I am a blabber and take my word for it I could write one hundred pages right now about nothing!
I wish Randy wasn't fucked up and we'd still be inlove
I wish Geoffery wasn't a fucker. I wish I could kick him in the nuts. Better yet I wish he would beg for my attention and then I'd give him blue balls.
Meghans pregnant with Todds baby (Geofferys cusin). I'm going to kroche her baby blankets and little slippers.
I'm tired. Good night!

I'm Lost

I'm back to my Solitaire days, you know those days when you don't want to do anything... ever... so all you do is sit and play Solitaire over and over and over again. I'm just so stuck. I don't even know who I am. Two months ago I was dating my man for a year and nine months, wow I love him, still. However I just had a very regretted mess around relationship already with a different boy. If it wasn't for him I would be calling up the ex and working things out. I'm not because I disrespected him by messing around with another guy, and I'm going to do as he requested, keep his memories of me sweet. Besides things are not as simple as one may think, any one who knows the relationship I had with him knows better. They know that I was about to have his kid, that I am underage, and that he's got legal issues. When I talk about him I tend to blab, because he's like an open wound, an interrupted conversation. I am planning on getting a hold of him when I'm 18, because I am not about to lose touch ever with my first love, and who knows he might be the one for me, but only time will tell. Until then I'll live my life and try to find who I am. I wont rush things, and I wont force on things. I'm single, I'm free and I'm young, I'm on this earth right now to live, learn and love. This blog's called diamond ring because he gave me one, and when I put it on I just feel.. different. The ring has lots of meaning to it, and memories.