I wish 8 balls gave real answers
I know I talk a lot, and it’s hard for me to change the subject. I know it’s repetitive, it bothers me too! I hear it in my head more than you hear it from me. But I was just hoping the next person I tell the same story to will be an inspiration. Give me the ultimate answer, and I will immediately have no more doubts or concerns. But I must have not spoken to that person yet, and they most have not realized the answer. So I’ll keep on being concerned and repetitive, until I’m forced to put it into writing. The real world’s such a fake world, and I’m scared. And people know me as independent - I am but not in the way they thought.

Compliments to Jason
Today I was reminded of one thing I’ve always like about you - our phone conversations. We always had and have good phone conversations. You know, those calls where you think they’ll be short, just a simple ‘hello’ and ‘how have you been’, but topics keep on poping up without a moment of akward silence or forced on conversation, and it just keeps on going until someone realize that we’ve talked for over an hour. I miss him, so let Tuesday come soon. Oh yeah, and those slut urges lasted about an hour - I'm so weird and random sometimes!

P.S. Blog style: I hate reading my blog and seeing how fast I go through guys. That thing with Mike was me crying for attention, I just needed someone to pay special attention to me - it's hard for an ex slut like me to go from fucking around all the time (what else was Randy about) to reality where I don't have friends and the only one who paid attention to me was myself. I just don't want it to look like I'm desperate for a guy because god knows I can get practicaly anyone, and god knows that I know how to stay single and party it up, but I'm not (well I am partying it up). I'm with Jason and I'm glad. I have to start takling about more subjects on my blog, don't I?

Time passes by slowly
Days go by, and I'm slowly easing my mind into accepting the fact that I'm most likely going to be living in Florida next year. But then again it’s weekends like this that make me feel that I might not need to go out of state to be happy... but of course, this weekend was filled with intoxicants and I wonder if I would have felt the same if I was sober. I just don’t know if I’m ready to leave home.
And I woke up this morning with the urge to be a slut. Do you ever get that? Just want to be skanky and get on random hot guys? Weird huh. I know I'm going to start off college partying my ass off and dating like 5... 10, (more or less) guys at once. It'll be pimp - but slutty - but fun - until I regret it. But that's just the way my life cycles.
Ben says I have the softest hands he's ever felt. I know I'm weird, but I've always been jelous of Rylie for having soft hands, and I always wanted a guy to think I have soft hands, and now I feel as if I've accomplished something - once again, weird - but it's me.

I'm stressed, and even though I know time will ease the stress I feel hopeless at this moment. I'm just lonely and wish I had someone around to hug me (cough, you know who). And I just want to feel hot again.
And I'm sick of being on my period - so sick of PMS - hope that's the reason why I'm bloated, rather than me gaining weight.
And when you're living in a state where people have to leave town during spring time to feel spring weather - you know something's wrong!
I think I'm just lacking some TLC, maybe that'd make me all better again. I hope.
It's just depressing when I feel like crying knowing I have no definite reason for tears. But it'll be alright eventually - senior year's just a dificult year, and I'm definetly feeling the stress that most seniors get.

Forget It
Forget about the March 8th post, nothing's like that! Everything's great. And I just came back from visiting Tampa... I'm scared to say that I loved it more than anything.

Jason
I love it when I see you. I hate it when I don't see you. But I'm not obssessive like that sentence sounded. Basicly, not seeing you makes me not want to care about you so I'd have other things to worry about. That'd be really cool if you felt the same, but if you did I wonder if you'd call more... I don't know. I just like knowing whats going on thats all. But you're so sweet. and I love that. I wish I could be around you more, or not ever be around you and not give a damn - if that makes anysense. It makes a lot of sense to me.

Yeyyy
Today is a good day.

I've been feeling kind of chunky all week, not feeling hot latley. My boobs shrunk and my belly grew.
"You're taken right?" - text message from Marco who has been calling a lot latley, and I've been seeing him around everywhere!
"Haha, why do you ask?" - I knew he already knew the answer.
"Because you're hot as fuck, and I want to get to know you better" - I don't know how much I believe the 'want to get to know you better' but hey! a wayyy hot guy said I'm hot when I'm feeling fat. I love when I get that kind of attention : )
I don't know about you guys, but I love it when a guy has the confidence to just say and do something risky. Maybe that's the only one thing Jasons missing, but I don't think it's him, I think it's me. I find it a turn on when a guy takes the risk to not be one hundred percent respectful.

And I got a mentor! starting March 15th I'm going to be working at the Human Resources department for Thomson-West law publishing company. Holly shit is it going to be scarey. Who's the pimpet now??! (hehe - me).

And I've been on my period for two weeks. Which makes me really really tired (i think thats why I'm so tired). I slept through work the other day.

I saw Jason yesterday and my cramps and head ache made me totaly crabby. Poor guy. I had no personality that night at all. And he said "it's alright, I'm just happy I get to see you" that is so sweet! So i'm excited to see him again : )

Good Sleep!
It's easy to hate myself one moment and to wake up the next and not really care, and feel just fine. Oh man, life would be better if I was happy 24/7 though!

Bad Lighting
I hate when I'm analyzing something, and I don't like what I see. It sucks the most when the person I'm analyzing is me.
I can't wait to start a new life. Finaly have friends. I've made it official in my head, currently the number of friends I have attending Eagan High are zero, and I feel like I say this all the time, but I don't think it's my fault! And I do not feel crazy for feeling that way! But will college be different? I'll just be older and fatter.