Israel
I have been in Israel since the 12th, and my trip's almost over. It was great over all. My grandparents on my moms side were the best hosts someone could even dream of, theymade me feel comfortable in their home, took me to see family all over, last weekend my grandma took me and my cusin to a spa/resting hotel which was fun and tmrw my grandma and I are going to the dead sea together which is going to be awesome. My grandma on my dads side I realized is becoming a bitter old lady and seems to be mad at the world. I tried to ignore it at first, but it was hard watching her argue with every one all the time. My grandparents made me a plan for my vacation which said every day what I was to do and they did a very good job at dividing my time equaly between the two families. Every one had a copy. Basicly to cut the bull shit my grandma (dads side) had no one left to fight w/so she picked a fight with me and said very very mean stuff. My frickin grandma made me cry, of course she doesnt know that b/c it wasnt infront of her face but whatever it made me pissed. she kicked me out of her house and hella hella bull shit. But back to a happy topic: I'm going to the dead sea tmrw!!
I smoked nargila for my first time last night it was awesome. Me and some people smoked it from midnight till five am in the middle of the street it was awesome. I got no sleep last night but it was fun.
My whole trip I can't get my mind off of a certain guy back in MN. It's crazy I definetly have a crush. I hope he didn't forget about me when I was gone and move on! We'll see. and to be honest he's the main reason I'm writting tonight. He's also one of the reasons why I am glad this vacation is almost over! Crazy crazy.
I'm bringing my cusin back w/me. I hope that'll be cool. I don't realy know my cusin but what I do know is that he's family and I'm going to have to be w/him all the time therefore no partying for me while he's here! but maybe that's a good thing, ya never know.
Good night.

Update
So I never wrote back when I sobered up (my message from friday june 06). Yeah I hung out with jewish boy and I was so fucked up I didn't say a word to any one all night. I thought I was talking, I'm telling ya my mind was speaking to everyone elses and theirs was speaking back. But in reality my mouth didn't open once. Crazy. I didn't think Jew boy Jason would wanna hang out with me ever again I mean I was acting stupid. I was quiet, unsocial, and I probably looked to him like a complete stoner, but I'm not.... So I called him friday to see if he had fun. He called me back and said we'll be in touch. I thought "I fucked up smoking with him, and we'll probably never hang out again : (" but I guess I'm wrong cause last night he called me at 1:30 AM drunk, just to check if we'll hang out again. hehe cute. I wonder what that means when a guys thinking about you when he's drunk. I guess that's good. lol. So that's my update for now.

Preppy Girl
Oh boy how things change. I realizd I am one hundred percent prep. I can only remember the days when the word prep was like the devil. I wasn't prep and neither were any of my friends. White guys are starting to be attracted to me as black guys are seeming to look "blah" in my mind. Any one who knows me knows that black guys and hip hop was my thing. But as time goes by I realize more and more how much I like artists like John Mayer. I think I listen to Drive 105 more than I listen to B96. It's crazy.
My closet's changing clothing completley prep. I remmeber shopping with masha and her saying "good, my butt looks good in these jeans" and I would think (pshhh... no it doesn't!) but now I realised that my butt looks just like hers in jeans and I think it looks great. Its just that in old terms having a nice ass was having ass tight jeans and looking like a complete hooch. Now I am able to dress comfy. I like the way things are changing. I feel now like I fit in, even though I don't have to many Eagan friends now I'm thinking I'm going to start to because... I'm cool and they're cool, and soon we'll be able to be cool together hehe. I hope I don't sound like a complete dork.
I remember when I liked the fact that I was seen as intimidating. Now I like the fact that I was told that I'm easy going and good to talk with. I like that I'm not seen as untouchable and so different. I just feel like I blend in. I like that.
This summer's going to be great. I'm at a perfect point in my life. I have a job, I have a car and no expences to pay. Thats awesome. I don't have to many friends but it's cool because the friends I have are great (make that one friend - masha hehe), and now I'm much more willing (and trying) to make friends. I have no doubt in my mind that this summer's going to be just plain old awesome.

stoned
so I'm stoned again. Last time I was stoned was on the 23rd of may so I've been clean for quit some time. Man I'm such an inner pot head. It's 10 am been up since 8 and trying to pass the time because I just want it to be late enough for me to be able to call my buddies. So I cheefed last night a hella hella lot. hehe, it was Mashas stuff and I just kept on smoking it. I was so fucked up I did not know where the fuck I was. I was hanging out with Jew boy and we left this sober eagan party to go to a sibley party. There was no god damn sibley party. I was chopped and he was clean, he told me I could go on ahead w/smoking. So i did. Man, I don't think this fucking diary message is making anysence. I'll write back when I'm sobered up.

phewwww
So I made it through my first day of finals. I did alright, of course I did not study at all so I could have done better but I did alright. My laziness caused me to get a B average this tri (i think) unlike last trimester when I had a beautiful A average.
Yesterday was my brothers graduation. He was validictorian, gave a pretty good speech. Of course I was that girl in the croud screaming "yeah!! yeah!!! that's my brother! baby!!" It was alright.
Today I have a little more studying to do.
Hmmm.... nothing else really to bother talking about so I'm signing off. bye bye.

dammit
so i had a crappy day. this girl... i shouldn't get into it, crappy day b/c of this girl.
then i had to work today. i was only informed about my having to work while i was at school and i had to go straight from school to work.
then i called jason and he was still pissed, which is pathetic. pathetic. dammit. and he's online barley speaking to me. dammit. dammit.
i have hmrwk but i want jason to fucking talk. blah. blah. blah.
and that girl... she's a mother fucking bitch... she is though. simply a bitch bitch bitch. i hate her. dammit. i had a pretty bad day.
i guess it should have been good cause i got plenty of positive guy attention even though i was dressed scrubby today. but nope, it still seemed crappy cause the things that mattered to me did not happen.
why is jason not talking? thats so pathetic cause we could be such good friends.
wow, no one's ever going to read this diary cause i sound like an obssesive chick. i guess i am but.. dammit i wish shit was going my way. i hate finals.
damn damn dammit.

The Weekend

Friday I was supposed to be with Jason. He invited me to a party that starts 9:30 so I thought I was supposed to be going with a big group, cause that's what I think of when I go to a party. But when he called me back and I was already with four other friendshe said "they can't all come". Since I wasn't driving they wouldn't drop me off, and since I was fourty five minutes away Jason wouldn't pick me up. He felt ditched, and he was pissed but it was a frickin misunderstanding.
So, friday it was Jennica, Rylie, Nick, Phil (who's going to get his dick pierced), and I all hanging out. We went to a frat party where I got pretty drunk and it was pretty fun. I gave Phil my number cause he's cool and I'd chill again (he'll get my buds and I drunk for free again) so yup that was that. I went home and called Jason cause I felt bad like I do not want him to hate me (hmmm.. wonder why -- read my may 29 post if you're realy wondering) Well Jason and his buddies decided to save the party and drinks for saturday so I guess it wasn't really a party but that's not what matters - I was drunk and he wasn't, never a good situation to be in when the sober one's upset. So I tried to tell him how it was a misunderstanding and he told me that I was sounding "so tossed" and I'll "probably not remember this conversation tmrw". I was going out of town the next day at seven am so I told him I'll remmeber the convo and prove it by calling him at six am the next day. Lol, I did. I left a message.
So I was in Iowa just for saturday for this wedding. six hour drives get you thinking. all I did was think the whole way there and the whole way back. I guess it was good for me to think because... I'm not avoiding any bad feelings I might have you know... But I'm back today and I was hoping Jason would call back and think it was sweet of me calling, or I was hoping he'd be online, but that's not happening. I bet he thinks I'm annoying now, so I guess that's the end of me being buddies with him. Now it's sunday and I desperetly need to work out.
That frat party on friday made me realize how single I am. It was kind of nice. Here I'm going to tell you a secret (you diary you) I pissed on a tree like right infront of houses friday night, I reaaaallly had to piss. It was fun getting that drunk and not feeling sick. Besides that though I didn't do anything stupid so don't look down on me or anything.
I donno I work shit works out with Jewish boy cause I really wanna be buddies with him. I wanna like go river tubing with him that'd be fun. but he doesn't know. Hopefuly he'll get to find out cause we'll talk again. La da da, I'm gonna go now.
-sharon