I am reminded of Middle School mind games
So we're supposed to be "boyfriend and girlfriend" but hearing your tone it sounds like it comes to be a big shock.
You had a bad night and I was there for you. Instead of a thank you, you were too concerned with whether or not I truly had a good night. Which I did, my night was a blast.
You had a bad day, so I called to try to cheer you up. Then I left a cute text message saying to enjoy the rest of your night and hoping tomorrow would be better.
You know I'm sick and feeling shitty, and I did not get one thanks. I did not get a call asking whether or not I'm feeling better. Which by the way, I'm not.
All I'm left with is mind games. What the hell is going on. I thought you were better than this. So all I'm left wondering is if you only want play (good thing I didn't give anything up yet), or else wondering if you're too caught up in your self. Or else there's option C, the one I'm hoping for, is that I'm just moody and you'll probably call tomorow or something and ask me how I am. But I doubt option C's going to happen.
Weird. After all these blog entries I wrote about you in the past month and throughout the summer, after all the good treatment, I seriously thought you were better than this. I do have low patience and I'm good at acting innocent. So if you're doing something you shouldn't, you probably have no idea I'm having these thoughts. But hurry up before I'm gone! We don't want to make this the shortest relationship I've ever had... do we?
But I might just be crazy and overthinking somethings. That would be nice if that is true...
But this is life so whatever happens, I just wish I knew everything about anything.

Parents

Growing up I have heard stories about parents who try to relive their lives through their kids. After all the years I have realized I am a victim to that and I am sick of it. But there's nothing I can do. It's like insanity, they believe they're only doing what's best for me, when they're only doing whats best for their memories. How can you love someone who doesn't accept you for who you are, but for the person they want you to be. This is the kind of stuff that makes me want to move far away from here. To just start fresh so I can finaly be myself, and figure out who I am.

Maybe that's why I enjoy being sick, because for once my parents leave me alone! But then I miss my friends, that don't really exist.

Sharon Thoughts
I’m walking down a road that I’ve already passed
Every time saying I’ll never go back
But here I am surprisingly having fun
Even though I’m 17 it feels like my life has just begun.
It’s one of those subjects in life
That you’re always arguing against
But it takes time to realize
Not one thing you’ve said makes sense.

In the journey of finding yourself, you find out that you're somebody else.

Hotter and Stronger
You paid for dinner parking and opened doors.
We established that we like each other. And we discussed it's not the most realistic thing. But don't worry you liking me is just the begining and you are going to like me even more. But we'll be friends because I never again am going to have a half assed relationship where someone can get me sexualy and not commit. So if you want me, come get me. If not, we'll be good friends. Because it's about time I have good friend like you.

--- never mind. I might be changing my mind. I'm confused. What do you really want? I just didn't get the reaction I was expecting. I need a guy to need me, to want me. You were excited about me one weekend, and the next you were pretty good at hiding your ecitement. And that makes me loose mine.
I just really need my parents support now, but all they're doing is giving me crap. It's a waste of my time and them acting like that makes me feel like I'm wasting my life. Letting it go by in the worst way possible - with out enjoying it. I have one lifetime, if you're not going to love me, lose me and let me love myself. I'm sick of our history, I'm sick of my past. I'm just PMSing really bad.
Some girls are so lucky. Who cares if you have never been in a serious relationship, who cares if you feel fat for a day, at least you have not gone through what I have. Is it stupid that I let my past hurt me? How can I move on when it's my dad who started it, and my dad who's not showing care and interest in me, his daughter. And my mom's just acting dumb, but when does she not?
Loved or Lost?
The answer is defiantly lost.

Don't
Don't joke around with me and tell me what to do because I might just do it. You honestly might be getting your way. But I'm trying not to call!

"You may be disillusioned about your current direction and your financial situation. You will overspend if you go shopping today. Take a look at your career options; it's never too late to change. " My horoscope always speaks the truth. I have been wondering whether I should get into the resturaunt business, and I have been getting second thoughts about attending a small college. And yes, I did overspend. woops.

Get into my thoughts
What makes us want to record our thoughts. Why do we try so hard to remember our feelings?
And I finally got the guy I was waiting for. The guy I’ve always tried to push off. And I’m sad. Maybe it’s because of Randy, I want to know what’s going through his head. Is he really that bad? Is he still a wasted talent and a lost soul. And I always thought I would be a good girlfriend, but when the time comes I get second thoughts. Sometimes I force myself to think twice. Am I really that beautiful or is it a call for booty? Am I really that cool if I play with your mind as much as I do? Are you as mature as I think or are you that good at holding it in?
Now how am I going to look at colleges when you make me wish I was going to the U. How am I going to check out Tampa when the whole trip I’ll probably hate myself for not have knowing that maybe a big school is what I want - but it’s not what I applied for. I liked the atmosphere when I dropped Amir off at his huge college, yet for some reason I convinced myself that small is what I want. Who knows. It’s probably because of my parents, they’re a big influence. People - take away other peoples personalities. Take ones uniqueness and blend it in with theirs. Then we all become one. The same person and we forget who we truly are.
So why be with someone if they may take away your personality. Wouldn’t that mean giving up fun? And creativity? Mike - you really hurt me. To think all that time we were hooking up you didn’t stop to say you didn’t like me. Just kept on leading me on. And now I casually see you as if nothing ever happened. And you want us to be “best friends”.
Valentines day. How am I going to spend it. Isn’t that the question that’s in everyone’s mind? And Masha’s back with Sam. And Masha’s sick of me. The moment she breaks up with him I have all my money on her missing me - not my definition of a true friend. But is there such a thing?
And Jason said he’s liked me for two years.

Mood Swing of the Week
Another sleepless night. My mind's filled with random thougts. Nightmares and weird dreams everynight and I can't stop them.
I predicted Katie and Keiths break up in my sleep and that's just odd. But then again the break up was desperatley needed.
I hate you Masha for being a bad person and once again for crawling back to Sam, yet is it wrong of me for still being your friend? You are a size 3 girl who practically starves herself and are on diet pills that it just sick! I despise the fact that you honestly think you are better - but how could that be? I'm not starving, I'm not on diet pills, I'm not crawling back to a lost love, and I am a good friend. Now what do you have to say for yourself? It's just sad that if I confronted you of these thoughts you would be disgusted and truely wont understand and that disgust me.
I hate you Ms. Love for hating me and treating me like I'm stupid. I AM NOT STUPID and the last person that should be treating me like that is a teacher. But I'm going to prove myself to you, I'm not quit sure how but the last thing I'm going to do is lose my temper on your immature ass.
Ryan how dare you get in my business - telling me you care. For your information I am going to college, and you are not. So if you want to give me crap let me tell you life is leading me on a better road than the one you chose for your self. I am Jewish so quit trying to convert me, teach me abstinenece when I'm a practically reborn virgin; and tell me not to smoke weed. I am insulted.


I just hope I look hot tomorrow.

A peck on the lips does no harm... right?